A Housewife's Revenge

   Feels like that man took my heart
   Laid it neatly out before him on the floor
   Then he put on the biggest
   heaviest winter boots he had
   And stomped on it for three hours,
   Maybe four
   And I hope his Sorrells are ruined forever
   Cause you know he knows how to push my every button
   
   Get down to my last nerve
   
   Like the other day he forgot to put his beer can
   In the recycling bin
   And he meant to do it on purpose I'm sure
   So I might just have to tell him
   Why his dog, Ralph, that ran away three years ago
   Won't be coming home again
   Cause you know he walks around the house
   In his underwear
   Whenever my girlfriends come around
   And perhaps if he were good looking
   I might feel a bit jealous, overzealous
   But all I feel is embarrassed
   Looking at him standing there
   And I hope he never finds his left slipper
   And my psychiatrist says I should tell him how I feel
   He says, "Oh great, I gotta listen to her snivel again"
   So I have these little unfulfilled fantasies
   Of putting arsenic in his teacup
   We'd see who'd be laughing then
   If only he was the type to drink tea
   Now I hear him come up the driveway
   In his El Camino
   With its black with a red-flame firebird on front
   He keeps the keys to himself
   He won't take me out to the movies
   Cause of football
   So I'll just hold out on something else
   I'll never cook him another single Hungry Man TV dinner again
   I say, "Listen man, you better treat me with some
   r-e-s-p-e-c-t
   Cause I gotta a whole lotta what you need
   Then a whole lot besides, and then still a whole lot more"
   
   He said, "Yeah, if you were talking about your weight
   that might be true - but otherwise all you give me is
   Headache and heartburn"
   So I took his Hungry Man TV dinner and his Sorrels
   So I took his left slipper and his Hungry Man TV dinner
   And I spit on his Sorrels as I walked out the door.
   
   And I spit on him as I walked out the door
   By the way, your dog Ralph won't be coming home again